In such a heightened time of awareness as we are in right now (2018)…on topics of gender equality, workplace equality, social equality…I am both excited and frightened..and I am still processing and evaluating. I have some strong opinions on where I stand philosophically on these topics and current events…but I am not ready to share those yet, not because I am shy to share them, but rather, given transitions in my own life, I don’t believe I have fully developed my belief set yet. Instead I want to talk about something related, but closer to my day to day home in the corporate setting.
In a conversation the other day with S, he brought up the term ‘mansplaining’ to describe what had a happened to a friend of mine in a story I was telling him. Mansplaining is defined as the process by which, typically a man, will explain something in a condescending and patronizing manner to a woman. In my 15+ years of working in male dominated industries, I had never heard of this term…and fortunately had not been a frequent victim of such behavior (I have however been victim to second generation bias…I present an idea that is passed but only to be picked up when a male colleague brings it up.)
Several years ago, in a separate conversation I had with a female coworker, we confided in each other the frustrations that come with gender biases in the workplace and then she said: M, you know the way the women here succeed and move up is to be the ball busters. Ball busters typically define tough, mean, and often (bitchy) women who are extremely aggressive in their dealings with men, with hopes of making them feel small and insignificant. Again the term was new, but the persona not so.
Ball busters, mansplainers…and probably a dozen more archetypes in between and beyond. The workplace is seriously full of characters. I don’t think I am a ball buster…nor am I a demure and delicate flower. I also wasn’t sparred the injustices and slights that many females have experienced but over the years I did pick up on a few habits and behaviors that seemed to do me well in the workplace…or at least enabled me to hold my own and make my point.
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- Speak slower, take breaths in between phrases.
- If possible, speak in a lower tone if you voice tends to be more high pitched or is at risk of rising in tone as you speak
- Pause in between slides, sections, paragraphs of speech and look at your counter party, audience, meeting members. Ask them if they have any questions/comments
- Make statements, not statements with a question mark at the end. Example – DO: We should move forward with proposal #1. DON’T: We should move forward with proposal #1, right?
- Take the prominent seats at the table – not at the edge, not at the smaller table, not standing
- Be definitive. DO: I believe, I know, I see… DON’T: I think, Perhaps we should, Maybe we can
- If someone passes your statement/idea and gives credit to the next person who says the same thing – speak up and call it out. DO: I believe that was my idea from a few minutes ago…let’s build on this further together (Be assertive but stay classy)
- If someone tries to take your work or tries to claim ownership – be vocal and stop it. DO: Bob, this is work lies squarely in my lane and within my domain expertise. I will be working on this. I will let you know if we need any additional support from you and will welcome your feedback when I am ready to socialize.
- If someone asks you a jabbing question in a meeting – look at the questioner dead in the eye and smile and say: Thank you Bob, that’s an excellent question…..and then proceed to answer or divert
- Banter. Know how to dish it and know how to take it. I owe this one to being the only female in my entering investment banking class. Build a tough skin, don’t take things too seriously…and learn a few quick jokes/jab backs that you can pull out before a meeting starts or in between meetings
- Swagger. I debated mixing this with 10…probably because I think people who know how to banter have some degree of swagger. Anyways I am using swagger here to define the physical attributes – stand and walk with confidence. Obviously do what feels right and within reason to you – but having an air of
arroganceconfidence can make a world of difference. Think of boxers when they do their entrance walk in…
Some of you may dispute that doing any of the above only exacerbates the issue or takes away from someone’s true self…you are entitled to think as you wish – this has just been part of my playbook so far…
I don’t think this is the entire list of the end of this topic for me. To say I hold strong opinions on concept and role of female is an understatement – the cobweb of topics is overhwlemeing yet painfully apparent as I flow through the roels of women in family, workplace, marriage, society. I wlcome any starting points of a discussion and debate…